Paperweight by Meg Haston

CONTENT WARNING FOR EATING DISORDERS

Paperweight is a young adult fiction book about seventeen-year-old Stevie living in a treatment centre for her eating disorder. I have read many books about eating disorders and treatment centres and can happily say that in my opinion this book was realistic and non-offensive to those who have eating disorders.

Stevie’s story goes between past and present to tell the reader how her disorder began. My favourite thing about this is that this shows that Stevie is more than her disorder. She is written in a way that breaks many stereotypes of eating disorders. A common stereotype about eating disorders is that those who have them have them mostly by choice to lose weight. This isn’t fact for most and can be a harmful stereotype. Eating disorders often come as coping mechanisms for things in life that you can’t control.

“Twenty-seven days to freedom, and I am caged” (page 5) is how the book begins. We learn that in twenty-seven days, Stevie Plans to die. But when she gets sanctioned for her eating disorder, she worries that her plan might not go ahead. However, she is determined to go through with her plan and tries with all her might to starve herself to death. “I am caged” (page 5) tells the reader that Stevie feels like her life (as well as her going to the treatment centre) is a trap; somewhere she doesn’t want to be. This gives the reader a good insight to Stevie’s wishes and motives.

The writing style for this book is also very appealing. With beautiful descriptions such as “I take the seat to the left of her bag and stare at the gashes of outside world between the blinds.” And (page 62) The way that the author has spent time developing the scenery to me shows that she has taken time to make this book feel realistic and not all about the character’s disorder. In a lot of the books that I’ve read about eating disorders, there is no world building or character development other than the way the characters act about the disorder. Though in a way I understand that as eating disorders can become very consuming and can feel like they’ve taken over your life. But realistically, you still have a life to live outside of the disorder and Paperweight shows this by taking the time to write about the scenery – even if it is just little flashes.

Another thing that this book does really well is present the disordered way that someone with an eating disorder thinks. When Stevie meets her roommate, she describes her as “a chunky girl with flushed cheeks and a mass of unrestrained white-blonde curls. Not strong enough to obey the demands of hunger.” (page 22) This roommate could be a complete normal weighted girl, but because Stevie’s disorder is begging her to get thinner, normal weight is seen as too big for her. This thought process could make Stevie seem like a really unlikeable/unreasonable character. This could represent how eating disorders change your personality and make you compete with other people and their disorders. Eating disorders can be like a competition; the winner being the one who loses the most weight; “girls prattle endlessly about how their hair is falling out, their skin is dry. They can’t take a shit. They complain, but deep down, they wear these things like a badge of honour.” (page 50)

Haston presents the gruesome and sad workings of an eating disorder without glamorising or romanticising it, which unfortunately is something that commonly happens when portraying any mental illness in fiction.

“stuffing myself with all of it—the cheese puffs like bony electric orange fingers, the packets of powdered hot chocolate I tore open with my fangs. It was not human what I was becoming. (…) It was almost satisfying, seeing it there on the grassy altar: the swirls of neon orange and frosted bits of cake floating in sugary sweet tea.” (page 71)

Writing in this way is not only good descriptive storytelling, but also presents an eating disorder to audiences without negatively influencing them or romanticising it. Sometimes, fiction can present eating disorders in a way that makes the characters seem “different” or “special.” But this shows the truth of what a binge disorder is really like. It’s not something that should be glamorised or romanticised and yet its such a common occurrence. This could be a failed attempt to break mental health stigmas – however – it is instead spreading misrepresentation about mental illnesses and making them seem like a glamorous thing to have. So, I was really glad that Paperweight did not do this. In reality, eating disorders have the highest mortality among mental disorders and are not in the slightest a fun experience.

Another thing that this book does well is the representation of therapy. Therapy is often villainised in fiction books. It is true that counselling/therapy is not helpful for everyone, but it has helped a lot of people too. In the fictional world, therapy is often villainised or made to seem like a waste of time. Stevie’s therapist in this book is presented as a genuinely good person. She doesn’t push Stevie or pressure her to get better. Instead, she gives her the reasonable amount of time to get better and understands that recovery isn’t easy. Haston also made the character have her own struggles instead of being represented only as the role of her job. This shows that she built her characters to be more realistic and more of a person than just something to push the main character’s story for development.

Although the character Stevie has Bulimia, I can somewhat relate my own experience to hers. When I was in the early stages of high school, I found it very difficult to eat and would try and go long periods of time with no food. When I did eat, I would binge eat and sometimes make myself sick. It didn’t begin with me wanting to be thin, rather something I could control. When I see eating disorders portrayed in a glamourous or romanticised way, it personally pains me and makes me feel as though my disorder wasn’t as bad as it seems. Writers need to take responsibility when it comes to writing about sensitive topics. Meg Haston, in my opinion, did a fantastic job at presenting this topic in a non-harmful way. Of course, this book could be triggering to those who have/have had an eating disorder. Haston clearly did her research well to have portrayed the disorder in such a realistic way. I gave this book a 4/5 stars.

-Rhi